For the vertically challenged cook, I present to you - BROCCOLI PATTIES!

For the vertically challenged cook, I present to you - BROCCOLI PATTIES!

For the better part of my life I haven't even been able to cook toast without setting the fire alarms off and activating the roof sprinklers (true story), so naturally when my friend introduced me to this recipe my first reaction was to get my raincoat and hope for the best. Turns out it's easy as pie, forces you to eat your greens & tastes deliciousa at the same time... therefore it's Anna proof, and seeing as I'm a child, I can assure you it's a great way to force feed your children broccoli without them thinking you've served them squashed ants. 

While this particular version isn't Vegan, you can substitute the egg with coconut oil, flaxseed oil or fake eggs - yep fake eggs, and of course they come from fake chickens, der. I also can't read recipes so I have added a step by step in photos at the end, if you can't cook these then I'm afraid to say I can do no more. 



  • Two bunches of broccoli or broccolini
  • 1/2 onion - Diced
  • cloves garlic - Minced
  • 1/2 Cup Panko Breadcrumbs
  • 1 Egg (or substitute)
  • 1/2 Cup Paremesan Cheese
  • Salt
  • Pepper


1 - Preheat fan forced oven to 200 Degrees Celsius

2 - Steam Broccoli until tender. In another pan, sautee garlic and onions for a few minutes until soft.

3 - Place broccoli in food processor and blend for 5 seconds, add in garlic & onion, pulse a couple of times to mix everything together. Set aside in a mixing bowl.

4 - Fold egg (or substitute), flour and panko breadcrumbs into the broccoli mixture.

5 - Line a baking tray with baking paper, brush with coconut or vegetable oil and make small balls with the broccoli mixture, once you have placed the mixture onto the tray, flatten with a fork. About 1cm thickness.

6 - Repeat with rest of the mixture, once complete place in the preheated oven. After 10/15 minutes turn patties over for another 10/15 minutes until golden brown. (occasionally depending on the batch, you may have to take them out of the oven and onto a fry pan with a little oil for an extra 5 minutes or so to make crunchy and brown)

7 - Enjoy the fruits of your labour, your fine ass just made these delectable broc patties.


(Ok disclaimer - I know it looks like cow shit. It's not, I promise.. and even if it was, that $70 bottle of red in the background makes up for it)


Bon appetite!

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